


you're dead to me

by iwanthim



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Face Slapping, Face-Fucking, Facials, Love Triangles, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Public Masturbation, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-24 00:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23466994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwanthim/pseuds/iwanthim
Summary: You're a nurse working for the first order unknown to men's feelings.You find yourself stuck in the middle of Kylo and Hux.
Relationships: Armitage Hux & Reader, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren/Reader, Armitage Hux/Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 73





	1. injured

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing, if something is wrong or I have mistaken something I do apologize, I'm literally looking more into the movies to understand it LOL  
> but thank you for reading :)

It had been another slow day in the medical bay due to everyone stationed on Starkiller and no major movement of the resistance for a few days and no known planned attacks. You and other nurses organized and restocked the cabinets, making sure all was aligned, labeled and in perfect order to prep for anything major to happen to someone. 

"Did anyone clean the monitors yet?" you asked the other nurses looking around just to see them all shake their heads, "Okay, I'll get on it." you walked over grabbing the glass cleaner and a fiber rag wiping down monitors before a rush of Officers came in with an injured engineer soon to be swarmed with the other nurses.

You just watched as two of the nurses worked on the injured man. It looked as if his arm was torn from the shoulder down, it was a ghastly scene that was hard to peel your eyes away but eventually you just walked out of the room. Of course you have seen much worst through out the years, but it was always an unsettling scene.

"Hey it's break-time," you heard a voice behind you. It was Alisha, "the two nurses are going to treat the engineer and said its fine for us to go."

You nodded and followed her to the cafeteria where everyone gathered to eat. "At least we got a little action," you said talking about to empty medical bay.

"I know seems like forever. I heard Kylo is going out today though so we are going to have a lot to treat," she said grabbing a tray of food and you mirrored her.

"At least we cleaned and prepped today. It's going to a bloody one tomorrow," you said sitting at a long table and a few others joined you.

"Exciting day yet?" Elijah asked sitting across from you and Alisha.

"Looks like one of your engineers arm got ripped open," you said slightly shuddering at the thought of it. Its the thought of the injury happening that always sat wrong with you.

"Yeah we actually witnessed that,"Jake said sitting next to Elijah, "I mean the metal just-"

You rose your hand cutting him off "Please no." you said softly just trying to eat your food. "The thought of the way it happened is so gross, I can stand the sight, but the thought." you shuddered.

You all ate making conversation about your days and what will happen when Kylo Ren gets back. 

"I heard he's dreamy," Alisha said looking up in a day dream kind of way.

Elijah scoffed and rolled his eyes "I heard he's hideous and has a face of a killer. There's no way that man is attractive."

You agreed with Elijah "He's some sort of level of evil. Evil people usually aren't that attractive."

Alisha rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed groan. "Guys come on now. Don't you wanna work under a hunk and not some creature?" she said raising her eyebrows. "I mean think about it, he comes back and takes his helmet off and he's just breath taking." she hummed.

You and the two men looked at each other and then her in a worried fashion.

\------------------

The new day you were ordered to wake up earlier than usually to be ready for the ship landing and the injured to be moved to the medical bay. You rose out of bed stretching out your body and getting ready, prepping your mind and body for a long days work and a lot of disturbing sights. After getting ready mentally and physically you went straight to the medical bay knowing if you ate you would probably have it all come up in minutes.

You greeted the other nurses and looked wide eyes at Alisha as she gave you a thumbs up. All the nurses were quiet saving their breath to get ready to start yelling orders of what they needed and who to help. 

Finally the injured either walked in or were wheeled in by Officers and other troopers. All the nurses got to work helping them and others out to get as much done as possible, helping the severe first before getting to the mild injuries. 

You felt a hand grab your arm and pull you out of your trance, it was Hux pulling you into a separate room where Kylo laid. "He needs to be looked at," Hux said in a growl leaving the room.

You nodded and walked to Kylo looking at him as your heart raced. He took off his upper-clothing revealing his chest. There was a gash on his chest and cuts and bruises all on his body. He looked beaten.

You had no time to admire his chest you had to get straight to work knowing to not ask questions or speak unless needed or spoken to. You cleaned the wound hearing a groan leave the synthesizer. "Sorry," you whispered just trying to do your job as you began to patch him up hearing another low groan.

After a silent 30 minutes of just hearing Kylo groan every once in a while you cleaned up the rest of his cuts and made sure his body was in order.

"I'm sorry to ask but is it fine if you remove your helmet? I just have to check for head injures," you said looking at him.

A click.

A low hiss.

His helmet was off. You were in awe, eyes widening as you admired him and every feature of his face. You walked closer to him with a light to check his eyes and then did the basic facial inspection. You thought in detail on how you were so wrong about him, unknowing his true beauty look of him. 

"Your thoughts are loud," Kylo said with no expression.

Your eyes widened and face burned, "I'm sorry, Commander." you spoke quickly backing away from him. "I'm finished with your injuries. I suggest a lot of rest and comeback every day for a new bandage and to clean it." you said before slightly bowing at him.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" he spoke, his voice so deep... so smooth... so powerful. "Answer." he spoke knowing your were distracted in your own mind. 

"Yes," you nodded nervously, "I work at this wing almost everyday." 

"You may leave." 

You walked out quickly catching Alisha's eye.


	2. flower

You had no time yesterday to tell Alisha about your experience with Kylo Ren or anything, due to staggering lunch breaks and breaks in general. You met with her for breakfast to tell her everything that happened.

"PLEASE tell me I was right." Alisha said grabbing your shoulders from behind scaring the hell out of you. 

"Alisha!" you exclaimed letting out a deep breath "I hate to admit it but-"

She cut you off "I told you! I could just tell behind that mask and synthesizer he's gorgeous." she started to ramble making you laugh.

"He had silky black hair and deep eyes," you started as you went into detail describing him further to your friend as she look mesmerized by your words try to picture him in her own mind wishing she got to see what you saw. 

"You are so lucky, he sounds so dreamy," she sighed as you both walked to the medical bay. 

You both walked into the area cleaning and reorganizing and visiting the over night patients to make sure they were okay and adjusted.

As you organized medicine in cups for the injured you felt a presence behind you startling you beyond belief. "Hux," you said quietly as he shown no emotion.

"Ren seeks your help in cleaning his wounds in his private quarters. He appears to not be feeling well," he said in a bit of a mocking tone. The Supreme Leader? Sick? Could never.

You nodded at Hux "I will be there shortly," you said as he eyed you up and down then left the area.

You felt odd tension, almost awkward among almost all the higher ups. Maybe it's just because you are shy and very to yourself, cooped in a shell of solitude too afraid of what people will think of you. 

You told the other nurses you will be leaving for a couple hours upon Kylo Ren's request for you making your way to his private quarters with medical supplies. As you walked to his door you were greeted by troopers who unlocked it for you and one led you to his room.

"Hello?" you said softly, the whole room was black or a dark shade of gray will small tints of red here and there. It was pleasing to the eye but did challenge your sight.

"Come here," you heard his deep voice that felt like silk in your ears. You turned to him seeing him laying on his bed and walked over to him as he ordered.

"I'm here to clean your wounds, Hux told me to come here," you said softly afraid of coming in at the wrong time.

"You're fine," he spoke, you didn't even notice that he was shirtless for some reason it was something that suddenly struck you.

You set down your bag and opened it up removing his old bandages, cleaning the wound before putting gel on it to clean and protect it. He let in a sharp inhale when you touched his chest with the gel spreading it. "Sorry," you said softly like before afraid of hurting your leader, fear the worst at all times.

"Is there anything else you would like me to check?" You said as you applied a new wrap on his chest "Hux mentioned you being under the weather?"

"You fear me," he spoke.

You gulped and then regained your posture. clearing your throat before speaking "Yes. You're our leader." you said before standing up straight looking at him. You played with your thumbs for a moment anxious as his deep eyes looked into your soul.

"Good," he said before rising out the bed towering over you.

You've never been this close to him before where you got to be basically sized up like a snake and its prey. You were beyond intimidated and you looked at him, but he was mesmerizing at the same time. He paced around you for a moment looking at every angle of you from above. 

Your body began to shake as you felt fear come over you. Kylo placed his hand on your shoulder "You've never been touched by a man before," he spoke softly making you stiffen. "I'll save you for another day, flower." he spoke silky words in your ears "you may leave."

You nodded before gathering up your stuff and walking out of the room. You didn't leave in a rush, fear of embarrassing yourself. "Thank you, Kylo." you said softly before bowing your heading and exiting. 

Those words.

Those words will never leave your mind.


	3. deflowering

Days have been hectic, but you haven't seen Kylo or have been asked to help with his wounds like you guided him to do everyday. Maybe someone else was treating him, you were so unsure of what was going on with him, but that was the least of your problems Hux has been giving you weird looks lately and you weren't sure if they were looks of desire or judgement. 

You decide to just ignore it and go on with your work. Like Kylo mentioned you've never been touched by a man or ever felt desired by men or maybe you just never noticed til Kylo mentioned it to you. You thought about Kylo's silky voice in your ear the way he spoke to you. Saving you for another day?

You were snapped out of your thoughts by a familiar voice.

"Kylo wants to see you in his private quarters again. He would like for his stitches to be checked," Hux said looking directly into your eyes. "I will escort you to his room."

You nodded gathering your things for possible stitch removal and cleaning. "I'm ready." you said softly as you followed the General to Kylo's private quarters. 

Hux nodded you for the rest of the way to Kylo's bedroom.

You stepped in seeing him in his bed again shirtless. You felt a weird sensation in your lower stomach as you approached him setting your bag on a table but ignored the sensation as you got to work on Kylo's bandage.

You looked closely at the stitches and sighed softly "Might have to stay for a little longer," you spoke grabbing stuff to clean his wounds. Kylo didn't make a noise this time as you wiped down his stitches. You felt a hand on your back and you froze up for a moment but kept cleaning up the wound. 

"Don't be nervous," he said deeply, moving his hand up and down your back slowly. You re-wrapped his wound then stood up straight looking at him. Your lower stomach fluttered with every movement of his hand on your back. "I can sense that you desire me." he said as he analyzed your body.

You played with your thumbs unsure of what to say. Is that what the sensation you felt in your body? Desire. Want. Need. For him? and he was just inviting you? You mind was running like crazy as you felt him softly pull you closer. 

"Your thoughts are loud," he said sitting up facing you, moving his legs off the bed. "Would you like to join me?" he said looking you in the eyes expressionless.

Your lips parted wanting to speak, wanting so badly to say yes, but you were so afraid. Your heart was racing and your hands became clamy.

"You have to speak."

"Yes." you finally said feeling so weird to even be in his presence. 

He put a hand on your shoulder pushing your body back to lay on the bed as he straddled your hips. You looked up at him unsure of what to do. He was so intimidating so dominate over you. You felt your thighs tighten with excitement. 

He kissed at your neck softly nipping at it, you softly moaned which felt so foreign to you. Your body began to loosen up not so anxious anymore as Kylo began unbuttoning your top revealing your bare chest. Your face burned a dark red never showing anyone your bare chest before or really any part of your body.

Kylo worked slowly around your body removing articles of clothing and worked down to your throbbing cunt. 

"Kylo," you said softly looking down at him with a nervous look. Is this real life? Your mind was running like crazy. This was such a surreal moment.

He softly shushed you "It'll be okay, flower." he pressed his finger against your clit slowly moving his finger in a circle. You moaned out feeling Kylo slide his tongue against your folds.

Kylo stood up off the bed removing his pants revealing his long length. Your eyes widen in worried feeling your pussy clench in anxiety. He lifted your thighs and lowered himself down grabbing his length to insert inside of you. 

Kylo pressed the tip of his dick against your opening making you clench onto the sheets already. He slowly inserted himself into you, your eyes watered like crazy feeling just pain making you groan. You felt a sharp pain in your lower abdomen making your body cringe in pain.

He wasn't even all the way in yet and was slowly pumping in and out of you making you cry out in stress and pain. He leaned down pressing his lips against yours to quiet you. He swirled his tongue around yours. You were hesitant at first having no experience with this either, trying to mimic his movements on your mouth. 

Before you knew it his whole length was inside of you and filled you all the way up. "it hurts," you mumbled against his lips. He moved his hand down rubbing on your needing clit making your body twitch with desire and pain.

"It'll feel better," he said softly huffing as he pumped in and out of you slowly speeding up making you moan loudly. "You're so tight." he said in a deep voice against your ear.

The pain slowly eased away and became more pleasurable, "Kylo," you moaned out loudly feeling him press hard against your body starting to pump hard and fast, your body not being able to keep up anymore. "Kylo!" you cried feeling the pain grow again in your cunt. Tears streamed down your cheeks. Your body ached and exploded with pain starting in between your hips. You didn't want him to stop, but you weren't sure how much more pain you would be able to take. 

He put his large hand on your throat pressing to not choke you but give you a crazy head rush. Your eyes rolled back feeling your head go light. "You're so pure." He grumbled as he looked down at you seeing you in an absolute trance as he thrusted himself in you.

"Kylo, slow" is all you were able to get out your jaw unable to completely close.

Kylo grunted ignoring your pleas for him to slow down, "Shut up," he hissed pressing his hand harder on your throat as he continued for just a few thrusts more. He pulled out quickly stroking himself "Where should I cum?" he grunted before pulling you up and pushing you on to the floor. He pushed your chin up to make you look up at him as he came on your face grunting as he did. You watched his face as he released on you. Seeing absolute pleasure and passion and sweat.

"Get up." he said harshly.

You slowly got up, your legs weak from him over powering you and destroying your insides. 

"Change, you're dismissed."

You quickly got changed fighting through the pain and gathered all your stuff before walking out of the room. Your pelvic region was in so much pain.

Kylo Ren deflowered you


	4. taken

You rose from your bed hearing a knock on your door. You went and pressed on the pad to open the door up seeing Alisha. "What happened?"

This was both your only day off for a few weeks and you decided it would be best to tell her everything that happened. Don't tell her what we've done. You froze hearing the voice in your head and decided against your first thought. You wanted to so badly, but knew Kylo would have something else in mind if you were to even give her a hint of what was done.

"Honestly nothing," you spoke to her as you both took a seat on the cot. "Just cleaned his wounds. Couldn't remove his stitches yet, probably because he wasn't getting his wounds regularly cleaned." you shook your head in slight disappointment in yourself for lying to your friend.

"I was so ready so something juicy," Alisha said grabbing your shoulders, "But I understand and respect the rules of don't kiss and tell." she winked making you chuckle shaking your head.

"I have noticed something strange," Alisha started as she rubbed her chin "The general has been kind of eyeing you lately." she said looking at you.

"I kind of noticed that," you said softly before scrunching your nose a little. "It's probably just wandering eyes."

"But it's constant," Alisha said in a quick voice wanting so badly to discuss the matter. "It's not like a creepy stare, but it's like he's looking through your clothes."

You froze looking at her in confusion not noticing the looks, besides literally that one time he looked you up and down. "Excuse me?" you said wide eyed as she explained her side and what she keeps seeing. 

Eventually the conversation steered off into talking about her extravagant love life.

"If I can secure a cute Officer, I could die happy," She said then bit her lip "He'll probably die before me actually."

The rest of the day dragged by slow just you and Alisha hanging out for once talking about what has been going on and what Kylo had planned for the future. 

"I fear Kylo," you spoke softly looking at your hands eating dinner with Alisha, Jake and Elijah again. "He's so intimidating."

"What happened?" Elijah spoke seeing you were clearly disturbed.

"Nothing," you said quickly lying to all your friends. "He's just extremely intimidating. Large with a deep voice. Dark eyes staring at you." you spoke in short sentences feeling an ache in between your legs thinking about the way he spoke to you.

"You're just a nurse," Jake said trying to comfort you "He has no reason to hurt or hate you. You help him and his troops everyday. I'm sure he puts that front up to everyone."

They wouldn't understand, but you so badly wanted them to understand, but knew that wasn't possible yet.

"You're right," you said looking at Jake. "It's jus-" you got cut off by a hand on your shoulder.

"I've been looking for you every where," General Hux said your name in a hiss, "Come with me."

You stood up "So sorry, General," you said as you walked away with him looking back at the group with a confused look.

You followed Hux in the hall "What is it that you need me for?" you said as you followed closely behind trying to match his long strides.

"To discuss your performance," he said leading you into what was possibly his private quarters. Your body straightened at the thought, what could you have done wrong? Did he know about what happened with Kylo already? 

You walked into the room behind him as the door shut behind you both. His room was much bigger than yours but nothing like Kylo's. Similar theme of course, he was the General. You admired the organization seeing papers in neat piles on almost every table and desk in his room.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a hand on your hip and his breath on your neck "Close your mind." he whispered in your ear making you shut all thoughts in your head. Some how shutting off your mind was easy though you had no idea what you were in store for.

Feeling his lips on your neck knowing this was so wrong, why was everything happening so suddenly? you asked yourself quickly shutting off your mind again. 

"what's happening?" you asked turning your head to Hux as he wrapped an arm around your waist and the other snaked up to your breast.

"Please don't as questions," he said in a deep tone looking at you before crashing his lips against yours. You were silenced with his mouth feeling your tongues soon collide with each other. You pressed your body against his for some reason you craved his body at this moment feeling your insides melt when his hand worked his way into your panties rubbing your needing clit.

You let out a soft moan against his mouth, slowly arching your back to press your ass against his hard region feeling how he wanted you too. He then removed himself from you "Face me and get on your knees," he demanded, his tone deep and steady.

Since your mind has been empty of all thought you just did as he said, craving for his body. This sensation was so new to you, just needing something or someone to fill the empty void in your body you never craved til now. You watched Hux in a daze as he undid his pants releasing his length just millimeters from your face. It was nothing like Kylo's but still impressive knowing you will struggle with it no matter what.

You were hit with a wave of anxiety unsure of what to do, you had an idea of what to do but it's nothing you had proper knowledge of. You then gulped grabbing his length bringing your lips to the tip softly licking and then sucking on it. Hearing him let out a moan was enough to know you were doing okay. Hux put his hand on your head tangling his fingers in your hair pulling you closer, pushing himself in deeper. You looked up at him tears filling your eyes gargling and gagging on his impressive length. Your cunt pulsed wanting him to fill you up so badly.

He held your hair guiding you to bob your head up and down on him face fucking you as you continuously gagged on him. "I can tell this is new to you," Hux said grunting and groaning looking down at you. You felt your drool drip down your chin as he pulled his cock out of your mouth "You are so good." you mumbled bringing you up. "Lay on the bed."

You nodded listening to the general as he hovered over you tearing your clothes off leaving patterns of his lips on your body. You felt his length glide against your soaking, throbbing cunt basically begging for him to enter you. You clenched feeling him slowly enter you thrusting in you slowly before he stopped.

He slowly looked up at you staring deep in your eyes, your heart began to race as his face turned in to anger.

"He took it."


	5. fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter, next chapter is a lot longer

You left Hux's quarters very quickly, your eyes huge and face beet red. You had no time to wipe your face properly hanging your head download to hide your face walking in a fast pace to your living quarters freaking out silently. He destroyed your pelvic area and your guts were in a knot and the general's seed slid down your thighs. You were speechless of what just happened to you, he was more aggressive that Kylo was, but Hux fucked you with anger and passion leaving your body in shambles.

You walked past one too many Officers and troopers just trying to get back to your living quarters. You hid your face scared of someone seeing your dried spit and precum around your lips.

You quickly approached your door pressing in your code. The door shut behind you and you took a deep breath looking around your room. "Thank god." you sighed to yourself walking to your bathroom to clean yourself up. 

You took a long long shower letting your skin soak in the warm water scrubbing every inch of your body of any fluid or sin. Your life has been so normal up until now, why were the men acting as such? you questioned yourself feeling your body twitch at the though of the way Hux touched your body and mercilessly fucked you. He seemed so upset that Kylo took your purity, but you are too afraid to reject a man above you.

You walked out of the shower wrapping your body and hair in a towel and then into your sleeping area. 

"Why were you with him?" You heard the synthesized voice making you jump and your heart beat hard against your chest. "You're nervous." 

You looked at him in fear your body starting to shake. "I'm sorry," you said softly in fear of trying to actually defend yourself.

"Say it."

You looked at him shaking in fear.

"Say it!" he shouted in anger.

"I don't see a problem," your voice cracked trying to defend yourself and Hux knowing Kylo never said anything about being exclusive. Assuming he just wanted your purity to fuel him.

"Stay away from other men. I know everything." he said in a deep voice before leaving your room. You fell to your knees feeling beyond the word weak, almost lifeless and empty.

Nothing scared you more than Kylo Ren and his authority over everyone. You took a deep breath slowly bringing yourself back up to your feet to get changed and ready for bed. The past 48 hours have been so surreal it felt so unreal to you, but the fear for you life grew as you sat in your cot starring at the ceiling. You understood his anger at you, but at the same time it made no real sense.

You groaned laying on your side just trying to push all thoughts out of your head, not in the mood to think too deeply in the drama that happened.


	6. gossip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very long chapter

You were awaken in the middle of your sleep to a sharp pain in your head, felt like a migraine to you making you press your hands against your head trying to ease the tension. "What the fuck," you cursed at the unbearable pain in your skull. You closed your eyes getting random images of Kylo. He was hovering over you, touching on your body admiring it.

You pressed your thighs together hard looking at the imagery, the head pain subsiding away. You felt like you were watching your own sex tape as the imagery kept going seeing the way Kylo touched you.

You rubbed your thighs together unable to contain the need you were feeling as you watch what was happening. You watched closely as Kylo inserted himself into you. You couldn't stop yourself anymore. You slid your hand into your under wear rubbing on your needing clit letting out low moans watching everything unravel wishing you were in that actual moment in time. 

You continued watching seeing Kylo thrust in you roughly with his hand around your throat giving you a head rush. You wish there was a way to hear this moment wanting to hear Kylo pant, groan and moan. You wanted to hear the sound of his skin hitting against yours so badly, but all you could do was watch. You were so close to your climax just watching Kylo work on you. He looked as if he was panting and the sweat dripped down his face. You wanted him inside you so badly.

You pressed and rubbed on your clit harder on edge, you let out a loud moan finishing on your hand finally relaxing your body and opening your eyes. 

\------------------------

You woke up getting ready for the day of work unfazed by last nights sexual movie. You exited your room into the hall making your way down to the medical bay. You held your hands together as you walked into the room with a straight posture. 

"Good morning ladies," you said seeing the other nurses at work.

"Good morning," they spoke one at a time. Everyone seemed to be in a cheery mood which made you feel good and less anxious about the day. You were going on about your day helping the other nurses, cleaning and restocking, a usual routine. In just a moment you felt a quick shift in feeling and stared at the wall for a minute thinking. "Where's Alisha?" you asked one of the nurses.

"Hux asked for her assistance," one of the nurses said, "She should be back soon."

You felt your stomach tighten for a moment. Jealousy? For what though? You had no reason to feel that emotion. You had no real intentions with either man. You tried to shake the feeling but you couldn't help but feel anger towards her, something you never truly felt before. You attempted to distract yourself from the thought of her on the men who both pursued you.

"Hey!" your name was called out by her "I got something to tell you." it was Alisha who grabbed your arm and pulled you into another room.

"What is it?" you asked very curious to know what she had to say and know where she was, what she was doing, why did they ask for her?

"I got to see Kylo's face," she said quietly in an excited voice "I mean I was helping storm troopers or whatever but I snuck to Kylo's room and saw him." She said giggling to herself.

You felt a sudden relief of anger towards her "How was the sight?" you said quietly to encourage her to talk about him in a detailed way to remember his deep beauty. 

Alisha went on about Kylo's looks to you even though you have seen them up close and personal and even in a weird day dream about him. "Also Hux was looking for you, but you weren't here yet and that's why I had to go." she said as if it was a problem.

"Slept in a little late," you said apologetically, but you were rather happy you missed that encounter remembering what Kylo had said to you when he hid in the shadows of your room.

Your shift went by rather quick and you walked right back to your room feeling a random feeling of tiredness. Your body still ached from the days before, it was too much for the first time and way too close to each other. You walked into your room hoping to just lay down and rest but spotted a not on your nightstand.

Meet me in my room @ 0100. Kylo.

You stared at the note running a finger over the writing and sighed checking the time 21:30, you decided to take a nap before going feeling overcome with tiredness and heavy set eyelids.

1230

Your alarm blared as you got out of bed fixing yourself before seeing your leader making sure you look presentable and professional not wanting to look down upon by him. You checked yourself in a mirror just wearing casual clothing knowing you won't see anyone in the hall or at least anyone of importance... or at least you hoped.

You made your way down the hall in the direction of Kylo's master room, hoping to not be greeted by anyone you didn't want to see. You quickened your pace thinking about possible wandering eyes knowing anyone could be watching your every movement, scared someone might see you. Finally you managed to get to his door they automatically opened for you.

You stepped into the room walking across the tiled floor in the direction of his bedroom, you felt the sudden urge to leave to make a run for it but your legs kept you going forward to his room. The large doors were wide open for you making you gulp fearing the worse per usual.

"You read my note." the deep silky voice of Kylo's danced through your ears like a melody making you slightly hum.

"I did," you said taking in a deep breath as you faced him.

Kylo towered over you, his large figure then deep eyes penetrated yours. 

"Why did you ask for me?" you asked breaking the short silence. His room was so silent and intimidating you hoped for never a quiet moment.

"Just wanted to see if you would actually join me for the night," he spoke as he walked towards the large window looking out into the stars. "I'm testing you and you'll never know when I am."

You bit your lip thinking about the weird day dream you had.

"You wanted me so badly," he spoke making your face burn a bright red and your body began to sweat thinking about how embarrassed you are now. " I wanted to see how far you'd go to just the thought of pleasure." You were speechless on how easily he could control you and crack you so quickly. You looked at Kylo who turned from the window and made his way over to you grabbing your hand. They were so small compared to his large palm and long fingers. 

"Strip and come lay with me," Kylo said before dropping your hand and walking to his bed sitting on the edge of it to watch you.

Your face burned as you stripped off your clothes one thing at a time, you looked up at Kylo noticeably palming at himself letting out low almost silent grunts. You finally got to your under garments nervous about removing them though he has already seen you naked. You dropped it all to the floor making your way over to Kylo standing in front of him silently watching his eye movement seeing him scan your whole body.

"You're beautiful," he spoke quietly touching all around you, using his hands to trace your curves kissing your neck and chest making you let out a small moan. You placed your hands on his shoulders feeling how muscular he was. "Don't expect me to go easy on you anymore." he whispered lowly in your ear before standing up to walk behind you. Kylo pushed you down on the bed with hard force, your ass sticking up the way you fell and hit the bed unexpectedly. 

You grunted trying to readjust your body before Kylo's large hands grabbed your hips pulling your ass into the air. The thought of him looking at your bare body made you shudder, you weren't the biggest fan of this thought. Before you were able to even have another thought a smack of a leather had met your bottom making you squeal loudly not expecting it at all. Your eyes began to water, your ass stung in pain. "Kylo, please." you pleaded for him to be soft on you but you knew it wouldn't be enough for him to be softer on you.

"Stop talking," he said in a deep voice another smack of the leather on your ass making you squeal out. Kylo had his hands on your ass trailing his fingers to your wet lips. Your stomach began to flutter again feeling your toes curl at his touch. He ran a finger along your slit feeling your wetness pressing a finger in "You're so wet." he said sounding very intrigued with your soaked cunt.

You turned your head to look at him as he moved his finger in and out of your pussy "Kylo," you said softly letting out quiet moans, "I want you in me." the words poured out of your mouth unnaturally.

"Beg for it."

Your face burned a dark red and her continued to move his fingers in and out of your pussy making you groan only wanting more of him. This type of talk was so foreign to you, knowing it would be awkward leaving your tongue. "I," you started unsure how to finish trying to figure out the wording afraid of embarrassing yourself.

"Say it! Beg!" he demanded smacking your bare skin again this time harder than the last two times making you almost scream in pain. The tears in your eyes almost spilling out.

"I want you Kylo!" You shouted as you let out a loud moan wanting every inch of his body. "Please, I want your cock." you cried out feeling his fingers leave you and a powerful grip on your hips. He flipped you around pushing your legs up into the air gripping roughly on your thighs pulling you to him. 

His eyes darkened with hunger as he looked deeply into yours trying to get anything out of you and without any guidance his long length was deep inside of you basically punishing your cervix. You arched your back up in pleasure and in pain feeling your walls clench against his impressive cock. Like Kylo has said before he will not go easy and with the way he thrusts in you in that moment it felt as if he hated everything about you. It made you crazy the way he fucked you, your back arching and body jolting with joy.

"Why did you let him fuck you?" Kylo said in anger wrapping a hand around your throat making your head go light and your blood rush. "Tell me!" he shouted moving his other hand down rubbing on your needy clit. You were basically screaming at this point trying to take in all of the pleasure and stimulation from this moment. You couldn't get your thoughts together or even straight, you felt your mind running wild as Kylo penetrated you. You wanted to feel fear hearing the tone of his voice, but it was basically impossible, only being able to feel the heat of his cock in you smacking against your cervix and his fingers rubbing violently on your clit, you were so close to your climax fearing that this was almost over.

"Ohh!" is all you could get out trying to signal to Kylo that you were about to cum.

"Cum for me you filthy fucking whore," Kylo demanded slapping you across the face with the hand he used to choke you.

Your cunt clenched tightly against him feeling a wave of warmth and ecstasy running through your veins. Kylo looked at you with the same fiery eyes, loudly panting as he hovered over you. You felt his seed dripping out of you slowly running down your pussy, dripping on to the bed.

You laid there your thighs slightly twitching as you watched Kylo leave you going into the bathroom. Your brain went blank as you slowly sat up, the growing pain in your pelvis almost became unbearable. You winced in pain lifting yourself up off the bed turning facing the bed noticing a large red stain. You knew it wasn't your period knowing it has already past.

"It's fine, go shower," Kylo whispered in your ear making you jump.

After the long shower you walked back into the bedroom with the towel wrapped around your body. "Take it off and join me," Kylo said keeping an eye on you as you dropped the towel. He stared at you with hunger in his eyes as you walked towards him. Your heart raced as you crawled from the end of the bed over to him, laying down next to him with your head on his chest. "Sleep." he said quietly wrapping an arm around your body.

You felt warm and safe in his touch. So vulnerable in his touch so naive.


	7. truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long I have been spending some time with family before having to go back to my home to take care of my animals!
> 
> stay safe and please stay home!!!!!!!

Days have gone by since that night with Kylo. It continuously only feels like it was the other day. The other day of having rough sex with him and then lying with him til the morning, so warm against him and so safe in his arms. You snapped out of your day dream looking at your friend's your face starting to feel warm.

"You've been a bit out of it lately what has been going on?" Elijah asked with a look of concern, "We know you're usually quiet but you look so bothered lately and always on edge. You know you can tell us anything."

You nodded looking down at your thumbs wanting to tell your friends what has been happening behind the scenes, but afraid Kylo will hear... Wait Kylo. He left the Starkiller he won't be back for a while. This is your time, tell them, tell them stop keeping it in you know how badly it has been eating at you, how much its eating your brain, tearing you apart.

"It's just a lot to unravel," you started to speak feeling your mouth go completely dry. "I've-" you started unsure how to keep going. How the hell do you explain to them what has been going on, You had sex with two people far above you.

"Come on, please let us in. We really want to help you." Alisha started "You know we will NEVER judge you."

You took a big breath and let the words poor out of your mouth starting at the beginning giving every detail from the medical bay to just a few nights ago. It was so much to explain and unravel they just all sat there staring at you in awe, shock, fear maybe? They were all so hard to read at this moment. You finally shut your mouth and looked at the three of them waiting for one to open their mouth to speak in stead of just staring into your soul.

"I'm sorry," Alisha started before looking down at her lap "I- my brain just stopped working. I'm like amazed and freaked out at the same time." 

"Do you have feelings for him?" Elijah asked looking concerned instead of shocked. "Like I just wanna make sure this was all consensual and not something we should a hundred percent help you avoid."

"I'm not sure how I feel about him. I am more afraid of how he feels," you said softly looking down thinking he is probably just using you for the time being, "it is all consensual though, was just very surprising at the beginning." you felt your eyes water continuing your last thoughts of him not actually wanting you like you eventually want him.

"What's got you down right now?" Jake asked with a sad look noticing your eyes.

"I'm afraid," you said softly starting to choke on the air as your lungs swelled, "I don't want to be used." you finished your sentence trying to hide your face.

Alisha wrapped an arm around you trying to comfort you as you had a moment of sadness and whispered in your ear "Let's go back to your room and relax."

You nodded getting up with her "I'm gonna take her to her room," Alisha said standing with you, "She needs the day off."

You and Alisha walked back to your living quarters making small talk before Alisha accidentally smothered you with questions. Standing in silence looking at Alisha completely speechless unsure how to answer most of the questions. "I'm just confused why you never told me anything. I was so curious to know what has messing with your mind lately, I have been so worried about you."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't able to tell you sooner, Kylo can hear everything I say and think," you said quickly starting to panic and defend yourself, "I was so scared of what he will do to me or even you guys. I'm afraid he is going to kill me." You began to cry thinking of him hurting your friends.

Alisha quickly hugged you, holding you tightly against her "I promise we won't let that happen, I will talk to the boys about everything. We will make sure nothing bad happens to you." She said in your ear. "Please tell us whats going on as often as you can." she said pulling away holding your shoulders.

"I promise I will," you said softly smiling feeling a bit better about the situation, "Thank you, make sure you thank Elijah and Jake for me. You guys helped so much, I feel a lot better." You half lied feeling your stomach turn upside down afraid Kylo will soon find out.

Hours have past and all you've been doing in laying in bed trying to relax as much as possible. Getting out of bed and looking in the mirror you began talking to yourself, "It's okay, it'll all be fine." you took several deep breaths "Okay, just calm down. There's no way he will find out." you were interrupted by your door swishing open.

"What exactly won't I find out?"


	8. anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this and got so far and I really liked how it came out and I REFRESHED THE PAGE ON ACCIDENT LOL. pain. 
> 
> but warning for language, hitting, and getting burnt

You stood in shock before turning to the voice seeing Kylo, locking eyes with him as he stepped closer. "What don't you want me to find out?" 

"You're back early," you choked out feeling your body to start shake in fear as he approached you. "It's nothing." you spoke quickly looking down to break the heart stopping eye contact.

"I don't believe you," the synthesized voice hissed at you making you squirm where you stood trying to keep your thoughts empty. "You're hiding something from me." his voice started to raise. You felt his leather glove grab your jaw lifting your face to his.

"Kylo, please." your voice broke trying to collect yourself looking into the visor of his mask losing the pattern of your breathing.

"I want to see you in my quarters in 30 minutes," he said lowly "That will be your only chance to tell me the truth." he pushed your jaw back causing you to fall to the floor leaving you there on the floor a nervous wreck trying to get yourself situated knowing there is no good ending to this.

You stayed laid on the floor soaking in your last possible moments of being alive not knowing what the out come will be. You stood back on to your feet feeling your legs wobble. Fear has consumed your body as you made your way out your room and down the hall to the dark room which might be your last memory. If you don't tell him the truth he's going to kill you, but if you do tell him he's gonna kill you. You felt as if there was no winning in this situation or at least no way of coming out of this alive. You bit at the inside of your cheeks trying anything to find comfort in this situation. The walk to his quarters felt so much longer than it usually did, it was a walk of shame and possible demise. Nothing could bring you comfort, your mind was scattered which made it a dead give away you were hiding something from Kylo, but you could not shut it up!

You made your way to his door and it swung open with a loud smack on the wall. You took a deep breath walking slowly through the area and into his large room. Kylo was looking out the window as you stood in his doorway hoping he would say something first.

"Are you ready to tell the truth on what's going on? Come in," he spoke in a low voice, he was monotone, but you knew it was just anger and hate towards you. "Speak."

You panicked knowing it's best to just tell the truth and face the harsh consequences to come to you. "I told."

"Elaborate."

"I told my friends about us," you said quickly shooting your eyes straight to the ground, fear consumed your body again making you tremble holding your hands tightly together. You kept your eyes on the floor hearing his boots hit the floor swiftly approaching you and then a leather glove across your face.

"You stupid bitch!" he shouted after the crack of his glove on your face, "Are you trying to get us both killed? This is so much more than just our jobs this is our lives!" he continued to yell, shouting straight in your face. 

"I'm sorry," you cried feeling the warm tears stream down your cheeks stinging the area you were hit. "I had to tell someone, I felt like it just became too much to hide." You pleaded before feeling his boot smack your chest, and the next thing you felt was the smack of the floor ripple throughout your body. Your vision became double after your head smacked the floor.

"I'm gonna kill you, you stupid fucking bitch!" he yelled as he pulled his light saber from his belt. Your heart raced as you used your arms to drag your body around the bed trying to hide for a moment to just breath. You felt something grab your whole body getting thrown and pinned up against a wall, yet another blow to the head. This time you were on edge of giving out, your brain went to mush having no thoughts and you gave up on the fight knowing this was it for you.

"Kylo, please," you pleaded to him just wanting him to stop. You heard the swish of his light saber and the the heat near your throat as he pushed it into the wall next to your neck. "Stop, please." you cried knowing this is the moment of your demise. This is it for you, isn't it?

"You ask for mercy? From me?" he spit as he pushed the saber closer to your neck til it was burning your skin. Your eyes widened as you screamed from the pain. He slowly move the saber down your neck to your shoulder. "You deserved to be punished for this!" he yelled in your face pushing down on your shoulder burning deep in your skin.

You continued to scream and plea for Kylo's mercy, the burning sensation almost became unbearable as he went deeper in your shoulder. Just before your eyes gave out on you he pulled the saber from the wall, having it retreat into it's hilt and stared straight into your disoriented eyes. His irises seemed to have turned black or maybe your vision was failing you in the moment. He pressed the warm metal on your open palm keeping eye contact with you. "Kylo..." the saber was then released through your hand and wall. You screamed out trying to move your body but was stuck against the wall. Kylo then retreated the saber into the hilt and just as he did your vision failed you. You finally gave out.

You woke up what felt like just a few minutes, but sure was hours later. Only being able to look around the room with your eyes since your entire body was emitting just pain even your eyes felt sore and burned from the tears that fell from your eyes. You were still in Kylo's room, under his covers in his bed. You were not expecting to be in HIS bed. You for sure thought he killed you or would have thrown you out by now. You felt fabric wrapped around your hand and shoulder/neck area. 

"You're awake," you heard his deep voice echo in your ears.

"Why didn't you kill me?" you asked biting the bottom of your lip regretting the question instantly. He was probably just gonna ignore the question anyway, you really didn't want an answer from him.

"I-" he started to speak but stopped letting out a long sigh, you heard his boots on the floor approach you, "I couldn't do it." you were shocked by the answer. 

You both stayed silent unsure what to say to him after his response. You felt like you should be in fear, but you felt so numb to feeling after what had happen just a few hours ago. Your brain was scrambled, you just wish you kept your mouth shut, but looking at Kylo still gave you butterflies, why? This is not a situation anyone should be in, a sorry would never heal these wounds; visible and hidden. The anger and then emptiness in his eyes stuck in your mind as he mercilessly burnt you and put a hole in your hand, but couldn't kill you? How weak of the leader. 

"Shut up," he said harshly making you mentally slap yourself forgetting in that moment he's probably listening to you 24/7 having no privacy anymore. 

"Sorry." you whispered feeling your body twitch in pain. "I'm in so much pain." you spoke softly feeling your eyes water. 

You heard his boots against the floor slowly getting quieter and with that he left you alone in the room to deal with your growing pain.


End file.
